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Saturday, May 26, 2012

Revenge of the Scotties

Bob told me, once, about some friends of the family who owned a pair of Scotty dogs. The dogs were accomplished table-moochers, and it was a generally held belief that no one, not anybody, could resist them when they pressed their chins on your lap and gazed at you with their beady brown eyes. And up to the point when Bob was invited to share a meal with them, this was absolutely true. No one, not anybody, could eat and NOT succumb to those Scotties. You sit down, they'd march right underneath and circle the table, and they'd snap up a tidbit and move on to the next diner. Bob decided: "I will be the first to deny them. Yes, I will." The guest snorted with derision. "Just TRY it. You'll give in! No one has been able to resist the Scotty Dogs!" So dinner was served, and the dogs began moving around the table, circling to each guest. They'd cutely press their bearded gray chins into each lap, scarf up a snack and then move on. The dogs reached Bob's chair. By this time, Bob had eaten most of his serving but there were plenty of tidbits, juicy meats, tasty carrots, succulent potatoes, left on that plate to interest the Scotties. So they sat at Bob's side, watching him intently. He'd look down at them from time to time "Oh! This is so delicious! Mmmmm. Oh, you'd enjoy this! I know you would. Oh, you'd like some? Really?" And then he'd take another forkful. The dogs waited. They had not completed the circuit. This human had not yet given them their due. Another tasty morsel chewed and swallowed. More smiles and nods. Four expectant brown eyes held Bob blue eyes that were crinkled with smiles, and they waited, knowing a really JUICY reward would be theirs, any moment. They kept waiting. The rest of the table finished their dinners. Still, the Scotties sat at attention, waiting for Bob to produce that tidbit. He had to! He JUST had to give them something! Everyone ALWAYS gave them something! Bob took the last forkful of roast beef and looked at it. The dogs stood, quivering and practically dancing with anticipation. He looked down, put the forkful between his lips, chewed it, swallowed, and then wiped his mouth with the napkin. "My! That was delicious" he complimented the hostess. The dogs gazed in shock as empty plates were stacked and carried to the kitchen. And it dawned on them that indeed, they were NOT getting anything, anything at all from this blond, blue-eyed big man, and they also realized that the rest of the meal was finished. They'd failed to complete their rounds and not only not gotten anything from Bob. , but had failed to hit up the rest of the table as they waited for Bob's surrender. The look of betrayal, disappointment and sheer disbelief was tragic, or would have been tragic if it wasn't so darn funny. However, the Scotty dogs had their revenge. Later that summer, the hosts asked if Bob would dog-sit while the family took a vacation. "No problem!" answered Bob. And every day, twice a day, he'd go and walk the dogs in the yard, feed and water them. The family returned and Bob went over right away to return the key. "How was everything?" he asked. The mother had a strange expression on her face as she said "Oh...fine." "No, really," Bob persisted "Was everything ok with the dogs." "Oh, the dogs are fine, but come upstairs and look...." Bob followed her upstairs. The upstairs hallway carpet was absolutely covered with little brown piles. "Yeah, they do that, " remarked the woman. "When they're really pissed at something. They might have been mad that we went away...or," she hesitated, thinking for a moment, "it could be they weren't too happy with YOU." Dogs have a good memory.

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